Monday, January 27, 2014

Finding Me ( My Coming Out Story)

Will I’m going to start back when I was 20 years old at the time. Just thinking I might of be little older than that . Will I was living in Traverse City I was starting college where I meet a lot of good friends there and had a lot of good time and some bad living in the dorms. And some of those friends are still are in my life and some or not. At the time there was a lot going in my mind and how I was feeling deep inside. Knowing that I was gay my feelings at the time if I came out to My family and told them I was gay that I was going to lose all my family and friends but look at it right now that was the dummy things to think .With trying to deal with things that were going on in my head and my heart I was like let’s see about meet someone and see where it go's form there. So I starting see a guy that we will call jess he had a really good job and he was older than me hanged out a lot of time and I started to fall for him big time Will he work at the hospitals set up all the computers so they could do surgeries. He  told me that he love me what to marry me then took off and I never seen him again. I was so heartbroken and my mind was so Missed up. My friends in college where ask me what was going on because they could tell something was wrong and I have not talked to them about it.. Then one night I was sit outside with my best friends  was sit next to me and they grip my hand and hug and me and told me that I could tell them what was going and they would always love me. So I took a deep breath and told them that I was gay. They look at me and said that they know that and that they still love me and did not care at all. Things where good after that and I start to tell my friends that I was gay and they were all cool with it. But deep inside I was alone and did not know that to say. I knew that sometime I would have to tell my family. I was scared that they would take off and not have anything to do with me anymore .. that was really dumb because there right beside me and sometime they do not like the way I’m livening my life but they still love me for me. So to go on with rest of the story I was going deeper and deeper in to my depression and I could not talk it anymore then I try to kill myself I took some meds and lay on the bed just to go sleep . but there was a knock it my door it was my friend Dave and I told him that I was not feeling good and to come back tomrrow and we could hang out then. but he said that he really need to talk to me and keep knocking on the door so then I got up and let him in. He sat and talk to for some time and he goes to me are you ok but then I did say anything back he ask are you ok  and then Dave see a note on my desk and it was tell everyone that I was done trying to hide and was going to kill myself and he put me in his car and took me too the er and  doctors but me in where they could watch me and make sure I would not do it again I was there for a week I could not make a phone call to anyone and my mom did not know where I was at the time. After a week they said that I could  make a phone call to my mom and  to have her come in for Meeting with Social worker and me and my mother. that was the day I told her that I was gay and she told me that she was my mother and see know that I was and that she still  loves me with all her heart. They Let me go home with her that day and  they sent me up with a new Social Worker. He told me that  I need to tell the rest of my family like my sister and brother and my dad . I told the Social Worker that I did not think that I could to that to their face and he told me to write Letters to them and tell them. So that is what I did but I know that it would have been better that I told them to their face.. But it all worked out and  they still love me for me and well always are there for me. Then After that the social worker told me that I need to cut everyone  and family out of my life and move away. I told my mom what he said and we talk and said that it would be better that I did not see that social worker anymore. But now I know As I go through life I know the road is going rough and bumpy and there is going to be many turns and curves along the way. And there will be
people that well walk in to my life and friends that well stay. People will talk about me behind
my back and say things
that well cut me to the bone. As it might hurt I’m not going to let the bad things
people say about me get to me. Everyone has opinion on what you should
do with your life. No one can make you feel inferior without your consent
it is you that has to live it. If you let people use you as
a door mat they will walk all over you and not think anything about.
I have family and friends that love me for me and I hold them close to my heart. And as I go through life they will always be there to pull me up and have a  shoulder to cry on when I need it. I am strong because I am weak, I am beautiful because I know my flaws, I am a lover because I am a fighter, I am fearless because I have been afraid, I am wise because I have been foolish, I can laugh because I've known sadness, I am happy because I have you my family and friends& God.... So there is my coming out story  and I hope you like it .. would love here some of you guys coming out stories ..
 thanks for all your support ♥  Love and Hug, AJV